I typically avoid the beach. A lot of my extended family seems to like it.

So here I am, today, at the beach in Corolla, North Carolina, on the outer banks. I find a shady spot beneath the boardwalk. The breeze is fairly cool, and the waves are pleasantly noisy.

So why don't I like it? Here are some that come to mind today.

— Radiation Burns. I had several bad cases of sunburn in my past. One case was just stupidity: I wore a tee shirt instead of actual SPF-n sunscreen lotion. I suffered for a couple of weeks, and my shoulders have been tender ever since. In another case I was wearing their sunscreen, but it didn't work. For me, the beach is a harbinger of excruciating pain.

— Stinging animals. I've swum at the beach at Gulf Shores, Alabama. Once,the water seemed to sting eveey bit of skin that touched it. Others nearby were attacked by venomous spineless, brainless creatures of the underworld, i.e. Jellyfish. I learned then that the ocean is Their Place, not mine.

— Sand. While sand is a lot less serious than skin-destroying radiation and nerve-attacking venom, sand is a little annoying. But much WORSE than the sand is the other people around me who are angry about the sand. Beachsand has also taken the life of one piece of one nice digital camera and ruined two glasses lenses. (Beware clip-on sunglasses near the beach.)

— Forced Labor. Going to the beach is always a lot of work. Even people who like the beach carry lots of stuff to survive the experience: chairs, water, sunscreen lotion, towels, cameras, food, extra clothes, buckets, shovels, rakes, and floatation devices are common baggage. All of this has to be carried to the beach, then carried from the beach. Nobody ever asked me if I wanted to go the beach; it's always assumed that everybody does want to go. There's some mystique about the beach wherein everybody believes everybody wants to spend time there regularly.

— Beach people.

— Bad tasting water.

— People older than teenagers are expected to swim or surf in a disciplined manner, or not at all.

There are some nice things about the beach, though.

— My family branches tend to gravitate there. So if you want to spend time near them, it can accommodate. The lodging nearby serves this purpose better than the sandy shore itself, though.

— Waves sound nice.

— Swimming in the waves can be fun.

I think lots of people agree with me. Many of the features and advantages of the beach are available *near* the beach as well, in beach-facing buldings.

I just wish family could congregate in mountainous areas instead, and leave the beach to its stinging creatures. But as long as they want to spend time here, I have to find some way to participate. This spot on the edge of the dune, under the footpath, is my way right now.